My sisters-in-law encourage my x-husband's attendance at functions and insult me within hearing of my children?

In past, they've invited my x-husband and the children that were with him at the time, and NOT me and the child with me, to a local function. My x drove from two hours away to a gathering with all of my siblings and parents, while I was purposefully excluded. They've subtly shared their attitudes with my children to the point that they've created division among us. I am trying hard not to hate them. But, I don't know how to protect myself. I would have had to go to court to prevent 14 year old from moving to her more permissive Dad's house and I decided that I didn't want him to lose his job in the sensitive field we both work in....and he would have if any local judge had heard what I would have had to say...and this would have meant that everyone where they and we live would have known things that would have been hard for my children to have known about their dad....illegal types of , past violence toward me, unethical professional behavior, etc. My mother treats her sons and their wives very well and many people adore her. But, her daughters are way down on the totem pole of consideration and it's okay with her for others to hurt me. I should just shut up and put up. They've been working on separating me from my children so that they can have them in their lives without dealing with me. I don't like it when they encourage my daughter at age 9 to wear make up or when they tell my 14 year old that she should be 'dating' a lot. They've walked over and interfered when I've been in the middle of redirecting a child at a public function when the child was disrupting the affair. They've sent me ugly texts telling me what a bad mom I am. Now my daughter is going to live with her Dad who doesn't supervise or correct except when she inconveniences him. All of our children are adopted and they all came with behavioral challenges. One daughter gossips constantly and listens at doors and she tells neighbor children confidential things about her siblings and others. This will not get better while living with him. I did tell her that if she chose to go to her Dad's that she would not run back and forth anytime she didn't like her Dad's rules (she would elect to go to her Dad's anytime she got in trouble with us and she could get away with leaving for visitation) I work in a rough metro school, and many of the students are my favorite people. If my daughter did her school work, she would be ok there. She gravitates toward the bottom of the pond and always has, so a bigger pond with more of the same rough element than the smaller school she attended, is not going to help her. She already 'baits' children in the neighborhood by asking them if they know me, listening to what they say, and then announcing that I am her mom. Some of them became angry, as they were worried that I would 'find out' that they were mad about a consequence, etc. What to do? my family sabotages me. My child sabotages us both. My x is having a great time with it all.